Private Thoughts: Wynne's Mistake
by Mischieff
Summary: The private thoughts of Wynne the morning after the Warden and Alistair first spent the night together.


It was a beautiful morning, Wynne had awoken early as she normally did. She had a few things to prepare before they pulled up camp and in truth she wanted to see the results of the previous nights... events. She had watched with a growing anxiety the developing relationship between the Warden and Alistair. When she had joined the group they two had already become good friends and she was glad of it. They seemed to work well together. She could see how she encouraged him and how he grew in confidence, became more at ease with himself and others and she could see that his friendship and support was something the Warden relied upon and valued and that with him was the only time she ever saw the Warden laugh. But then as the days and weeks had passed something had changed between them. It was obvious that he was falling for her. The Warden on the other hand was harder to read. She kept her feelings, thoughts and emotions for the most part to herself, but she did seem very fond of him and encouraged his attentions. She had seen this before and without fail it never ended well.

Many, many times in her life at the tower, she had seen exactly this scenario. Two young apprentices would be brought to the tower and being thrown together in an unfamiliar and sometimes frightening environment, they would develop a bond. One of support and of comfort and many times they would come to believe themselves to be in love. Over and over, she saw such fragile and unlikely bonds and the harm they caused. The pair would exclude themselves from other associations, becoming consumed and even obsessed with the other person. Their training and study would suffer. Their relationships with others and their acclamation to life in the tower would suffer. At times even their health would suffer. Many would become depressed, even despondent, finding solace only in the other person. An unnatural and unhealthy dependence would develop, weakening both of them. And on so many occasions when the time came for them so take the harrowing, because they had not focused on what they needed to do, they would fail. It was a tragedy she had seen replayed over and over, but in their cases the tragedy only affected them.

She had spoken to the Warden about this but she had not listened, not that she had expected her to. But she felt she had to speak, to make her aware of the potential for tragedy not only for the two of them but for all. If they failed in their duty all would suffer, such selfishness was not something they nor all the rest of Ferelden could afford. She had watched them, watched as they had grown closer, and she had worried. She had hoped that it would only be a passing thing; that they would see its folly; that the fragility of their bond would be exposed by time; that it would not be enough to hold their attentions and keep them from their duty; but she feared worse.

The prior evening Alistair had seemed anxious. A state which she had never seen him display before. Then he had went to talk to the Warden. Out of the corner of her eye, she had quietly observed. She noticed the gestures and expressions, whatever it was it was important and... then she had understood. He was asking her to lie with him. It had to be, she had observed such before but usually the men were more subtle and suave. Alistair, however, had no idea the proper way to romance a woman. He only had the awkward and heartfelt sincerity she could see now, not that the Warden had ever seemed to mind. She could see strong emotion on his face, and the smile upon the Warden's, then his relief and a kiss unlike the ones that had come before. And as the camp retired for the night, they went into the Warden's tent together.

She finished her appointed morning tasks and began to gather her things. She was not the young woman she had been and moved slower than she had and she didn't like to be rushed. She had tried not to think about the repercussions of the night. But now she did. Perhaps, as she had seen many times, such intimacy would be too much for such a bond to take. It would expose it for what it was or in better words what it was not. The next days would be awkward, no doubt, but they would get over it and move on. There were bigger issues to deal with and they both would see that.

She heard a soft rustle and looked up in time to see them both emerge from the Warden's tent. And it was abundantly clear that whatever had happened in the dark hours before dawn, it had done nothing to lessen their bond. Looking at them now, she was forced through her perhaps jaded, fearful and biased eyes to see that what she was looking at were two people deeply in love.

She looked away now. Had she truly missed that in all this time? Had she not been able to see the depth of feeling they obviously had for each other? Had she not even consider such feelings possible? Had she simply not been able to believe that such a thing could happen under these circumstances? Had she let her own experience blind her to a truth so obvious? She looked back to them, watching them in what they thought was their last private moment of the day. She remembered a saying as through a fog

"To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage."

She had thought that their relationship might doom all of them, but perhaps it was a blessing, perhaps the fates had stepped in and given them this great gift in order that they could find both the strength and courage to see their duty through. Or perhaps it had been given as compensation for what was being asked of them. There might be a terrible price to pay for their happiness but that did not mean it would not be worth it. She allowed herself to think back to a night long years ago, a night she had forced herself not to think of, a night that had cost her dearly in the long years since. But now looking at the two of them and realizing that she had some small understanding of what they felt, could she truly call it a mistake? No, she realized, it did not feel that way now. The anger and resentment had long since faded, leaving only a soft bittersweetness to the memory. As she remembered being gently held in another's arms and remembered holding another much smaller body gently in hers, she smiled to herself a sad smile and whispered "Maker watch over you, over both of you."


End file.
